Despite his mother telling him he'd go blind Bon continued to play with his Jovies

 

Tell me. What exactly is a pissflap?

 

The Christmas banana

 

Chestnuts roasting on an open tyre

 

The Christmas Tortoise

 

What did you do in the culture wars daddy?

 

Comedy fudge

 

lady garden terpsichore

 

I could have been something

 

Hi, I’m an influencer (ii)

 

Judgey McJudgeface’s musical commode

 

Swim at your own risk

 

Wayne collected stamps

 

The flesh-coloured yoghurt ants were far worse than even he feared.

 

fuck off with your inspirational memes iii

 

Fuck off with your stories

 

Diamonds are for Trevor

 

The right honourable Araldite Flange

 

If one day you dare to dream...

 

Messle and Porter

 

The bollock-faced contrarian

 

It's a pixie plopper. It's a pixie plopper.

 

The mind numbing tedium of prog rock noodling

 

Down the garrel of a bun

 

Fucking weirdness

 

I'm a atrowshus spellerer

 

Warm hands, starched underwear.

 

Like

 

fuck off with your inspirational memes ii

 

arse

 

Hi, I’m an influencer

 

Brian took his parish clerk and peripatetic shaman duties very seriously

 

As I said to Elspeth, WTAF is a life hack anyway?

 

Fuck off with your life hacks.

 

The clickbait lavatory attendant

 

Big jobs for small arseholes

 

Quentin nonchalantly dismissed the notion of ambient death-metal grime

 

Something unexplainable happened

 

I truly am

 

The reticent gobshite

 

Regrets

 

Nº1 The tortoise, the tortoise

 

You'll know us by the cut of our jib

 

My chosen subject is wobbly bits

 

Aftershave. And the point of it is?

 

The training of the shoe

 

fuck off with your inspirational memes

 

The long distance tribes of Basildon

 

amuse-bouche

 

Basil treasured the arse stick of beelzebub